In My Weakness

I am a missionary teacher. I have been for about a year now. I am moving to a new school this year where I will be working with new students that I will need to get to know. New school policies that might not match what I have gotten used to. New staff, bosses, and co-workers that will have new personalities compared to who I have worked with in the past. There will be many more stories that life lesson to share in the future, I am sure. But, today I wanted to focus in on something that God has been teaching me. He has been reminding me that in my weakness, He is strong. 

As a missionary teacher, I am reaching out to other churches and individuals to see if they could support me financially (as my position is not paid) and if they could pray for me. This has led to amazing opportunities of encouragement for both parties as we are able to share together in the life that God has given us to use for His glory. It also has allowed me to get more comfortable talking to a group of adults (because fun fact: it is not the same talking to a group of children and a group of adults). It also has helped me make sure that I know my purposes and goals well. It holds me accountable, which is something that I know I need. 

But, sometimes it does not always go well. I had an opportunity to share at a church recently. Because I had presented at a few other churches recently, I was confident on my story and my material. For that reason, I did not bother looking over my slideshow presentation again (I mean, it is the same one!) or prepare myself mentally for sharing my story again (It is my life, how much preparation could be necessary?!). I quickly figured out that it was a mistake. As I stood in front of the congregation of eager listeners, I found myself fumbling over my story, messing up on my words, and regretting the slideshow presentation I was using because of how out of date it was. 

I also have had a nasty cough that comes and goes for the past few days. It reared it's ugly head as soon as I was done sharing. I tried to stifle it, but that always makes my coughs ten times worse! I had to, as quietly as possible, excuse myself to the bathroom where I could freely cough and grab a drink of water. I made it back outside, sucking on a cough drop, just in time for the end of the prayer and to watch people as they headed out. I was ashamed to even be seen as someone handed me a water bottle, clearly aware of my coughing that just took place. 

Yet, God was faithful. So many people came up to me telling me that they loved the presentation I gave. They said they could tell I was full of enthusiasm for going to Papua New Guinea and many said they thought I would do amazing in this role. I have had encouragement from others after I present, but I was not expecting any at all after this horrible of a presentation that I had put on. I could name many specific areas in which I messed up on what I wanted to say. I went home dejected and concerned for my true "calling" to this position. 

But, the church appreciated me. They are going to keep in contact with me and have joined my support team. I left feeling confused, appreciative, happy, and yet still very mad at myself. I know that it was a hit to my pride to realize that I will not always be able to speak to others with confidence and clarity like I had hoped. Yet, as I had a long drive home, I was reminded by God's character. I know that God can use all things for His glory. He will, even if it is not for my glory. I know that He could chose to help people pay attention to the main information that I shared while allowing them to forget all of the wrong words or phrases that I said. He is faithful to make His name known. If people forget about me and only remember Him, I did something right. I also know that it is in my weakness that He is strong. If I was always a fluent orator, I could pretend that my speaking abilities came only from me. They don't. So, God's character and faithfulness was demonstrated to me, yet again. I love it!