How I Deal with Anger

Anger is a sensitive topic. The Lord has been angry before. In fact, Jesus knocked over the tables in the temple in his anger. But, my anger is not that holy anger because it is often for selfish reasons, and I express it in the worst way. But, this article is talking about how I deal with it. I know that anger is a problem I need to fix, but it is better to have some self-control with the anger while coming up with a solution for how to stop getting angry. So, this is how I do it. 

Based on the last article, I clearly get angry often enough that it is a problem. And, sometimes I will hold all the emotion in the bottom of my heart and never let it out. Yet I hate it when someone strikes a nerve and it all explodes- all my problems are dumped on one person whether they are the root of the problem or not. 

So, a better way to deal with it is to express it to someone who won't get hurt, or care at all: my journal. I journal every once and a while but I like to journal to remember the good memories. So why record all the bad ones? I have a separate document where I can type up all my problems (because when I have so many it would hurt my hand if I tried to handwrite them out). Then, I can backspace it all feeling better that I let it all out, or keep the document so I feel better that I let it out and I can have a record that I let it all out. 

The other problem is that when I feel all the anger pent up I am not always by my computer or phone. So I have to recite what I want to say to my journal or I will not be able to record all my feelings and feel better. This happened most recently. My sister asked what was wrong before I got the chance to write it all out, but I had already been revisiting it so she felt hurt because I let it all out on her. After I was calm, I reassured her that I was not mad at her and she forgave me, but I knew I still had to write it all out. As I was turning on my computer, though, thoughts started popping in my head. This is one of those moments that I feel sure that God was talking to me. I will type up what I heard in my head, and then I will show you an example of all the things built up over the past week or so. 

Mary, yes you seemed stressed. Yes, these things seem to bother you. But do they really matter in the long run? Do they really affect the way you will feel in a week, a month, or a year? You are blessed beyond measure (and here goes something I mentioned in the previous article that came from these thoughts). You are writing out all the things that are wrong with your life as you are sitting in an air-conditioned house while eating chips (which is a special treat) and without any big projects or job-threatening tasks, you need to worry about. You really are doing okay right now. 

Any my list of things bothering me was shorter than it sounded in my head: 

-I'm tired of everyone telling me that I am angry, or I am not fun to get along with. I want to be fun but I have a bunch of stress on my shoulder. Yet every time I mention it someone has their own bit of 'wisdom' to impart on me so I can remove it from my list. Yet half the time they don't even work! So, I think it will hell me to write out all my anger sources right here: 

- My parents expect me to have a good attitude while working (which I should have anyway) because they talked to me about it. They have so high expectations that I cannot go higher. So, all I get out of cleaning is OK or WAY worse. 

- I have another job, but I never here to take care of it really. Part of the job is recommended to be completed at a certain time of the day, but I can never water them at their selected times because I am always off doing another job! I told my 'boss' I could handle this job, but I am being double-booked almost every day and I don't feel like I can do a good job.

-Also on that note, our house has certain foods that are not being touched, yet I do not want to waste it. There is so much I doubt I can eat it all before it goes bad, but I am the only one that would eat it. Yet, I would be able to do it easily IF I WAS JUST HOME FOR LUNCH. You have no idea how many times I have not been home for lunch so the leftovers take so much longer to eat. AND sometimes the 'healthy' food is hidden so I don't really notice it until it is almost too late! 

-I am just overwhelmed when I am gone or when I come home for dinner. Staying home is my downtime but I am getting less and less of it. Yet when I get a day off, I don't know what to do! I wish I could take my day off and space out that freedom throughout the week so I could make better use of my time. 

-I have a big project I am working on that I really want to get done, but I was working on it so hard that now I am tired of it. I want a break from it, but I know the work is then piling up again, even though this is more just for 'fun'. It is becoming less and less fun. 

See? My problems seemed like really big deals in my head but once I got them on paper I was doing alright and I knew I did not have to freak out about it anymore.