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I Am Growing

I mean, you would hope we are all growing. A common phrase my family loves to use when they learn something new- some odd fact that they did not know until someone informed them about it- is "I'm still alive" because supposedly "The day you don't learn anything new, you are not alive." So, every day we learn something new. We grow. 

Recently, I have felt that I don't know how to spend my time wisely. I am about to leave for college so I probably will not get hired for any 'normal' job for such a short time, and with my location, there are not many job opportunities in the first place. I have been blessed with some side jobs I can do every once and a while, but it does not take up that much time. I'm not bored, I just wish everything I do has a purpose. If I have not mentioned it before, I like to feel productive and useful. Every night, especially the summer nights, I don't feel like I can sleep well unless I did something I was proud of that day. While school is going on, I can feel accomplished knowing I did my best during the school hours on my assignments and paying attention to lectures and lessons. I hope and pray that in the coming years as I get more "official" jobs I can feel productive knowing I did my best on tasks at work. But, what can I do this summer that is not a waste of time?

If there is something you noticed with everything in this article until now, is I do not seem to focus on my Savior. I should set a goal to do something that is honoring and glorifying to God in order to feel accomplished for that day. I had mentioned the paragraphs above to a group of friends, and one of them specifically pointed out to me that I need to live my life for Christ and if I was not doing that, I was not doing what I should. I realized, through what God has shown me, that I might have been a lukewarm Christian. I wanted to live for Him, and it was more than just an "I'll praise you on Sunday and that is it." but I don't think I was as on fire for God as a should have been. 

I have been reading my Bible every day, and I am currently in a "Whole Bible in 90 Days" plan, but I am realizing that when I read the Bible that fast I just want to read it and get it done, so I do not take the time to learn something from the passages. I have taken the time to read more slowly, and I cannot wait until I have finished this plan so I can read specific passages at a much slower pace and take the time to dive deep into God's Word. 

Obviously, it is more than just reading my Bible that needs to honor and glorify God. Again, I have tried so many times to rationalize with myself that I am doing okay. I have asked God to become the priority of my life so many times. I tell myself that I need to constantly remind myself "Would I have made this choice if Jesus was standing right next to me, and watching what I am doing?" It is a scary thought just because of who He is. But, I think it is a great reminder of focusing all my actions on something that He would be proud of. But, then again there is that as an issue- proud. Paul talks about how he is only proud of Christ. But, if I am doing my actions to try and make God proud of me, then I would be proud, right? 

I have decided to take the advice my friend gave me, from another idea I had been seriously thinking about, and I have now created a YouTube channel where I plan to post videos about the Bible and what I have been learning through my studies, or me singing Christian songs, or maybe a few other things. Of course, no one watches them really, but maybe they will help someone one day when I am no longer watching my YouTube, or maybe after I have passed. Who knows? Inspired by a few others, I have decided to create a TikTok account solely for the purpose of posting encouraging, healthy entertainment, or biblical videos. My goal is to mostly put out videos similar to my YouTube channel- from my Bible notes, or of things I have been learning. But, I want to do both of those (as well as this blog) for God's glory, not mine. 

So, these are some things I have been learning and what I need to work on. I am not perfect- not even close. I have so much more to learn I am sure. I am growing. 

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